Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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