I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
