census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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