The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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