did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
