Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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