we have officially lost it.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
