Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
