can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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