I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
