You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
