I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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