I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
