Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
