I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
