theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
