Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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