If i come over, it means nothing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
