if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just invented taco cereal.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
