I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
