woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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