just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
