i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
