oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
