This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize