He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
