the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
