hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
