I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize