then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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