this beer tastes like vomit already
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
