I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
