plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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