He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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