I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
