my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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