So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The uberlube is also flammable
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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