just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
