Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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