Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
