I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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