My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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