Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize