Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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