Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
