WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
