It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
