That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
