It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
