Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Found your dick twin last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize