swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
