got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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