Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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