I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
