Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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