I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
