your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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