Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
