whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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