Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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