I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
