why didn't you poke me back
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
