Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
