I smell stomach acid.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
