I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
