If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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