she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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