It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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